As a therapist, this questions fascinates me.
First, what I have found is that transformative insight is a very personal process that is a result of a confluence of variables coming together in the perfect conditions at just the perfect time. I have often found that a client will one day in therapy have a certain insight which we have actually been discussing for several sessions. As I sit there enjoying their insight and basking in their wonder for this new found knowledge, it demonstrates to me how there are so many internal variables, internal and external, that allow us to 'see' and in the same vein so many variables that do not allow us to see. This is why endless empathy and compassion for yourself is so critical for change. Even if you feel you have tried everything and you keep making the same mistakes, know that all the variables are constantly shifting and coming together to that moment when the light bulb turns on and all of a sudden that insight you need sinks and weaves itself into your being. The other observation that watching this process reveals in therapy is that clients often already have the answer within them already.
The second observation I have realized from watching clients transform is that transformation is not found in insight but in the application of that insight to every moment-to-moment decision from then on. Transformation is hard work. It's an arduous process that only works if we commit and take action. I find it more realistic and more beneficial in therapy for clients to commit to the process of transformation, growth. Growth only comes as the result of the hard work of applying and acting out the knowledge of what's needed for transformation in each decision we face. The aforementioned, endless self-empathy and self-compassion, is a prerequisite and context for change because growth is never linear and clients that do not attempt change within this petri dish often get overwhelmed by frustration and return to old patterns of behavior.
What's transformative in therapy? The answer varies for each person. Transformation is a unique regression equation for each client with different internal and external variables contributing. Commitment to growth, embracing the difficult nonlinear process of growth and finally, self-compassion and self-empathy are the context needed for transformation to occur.
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